i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
