it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
