How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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