My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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