We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize