Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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