Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
