Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis

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(435): View more from Utah

Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.

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(916): View more from California

I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex

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(505): View more from New Mexico

you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.

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(585): View more from New York

So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?

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(585): View more from New York

My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today

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(773): View more from Illinois

I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not

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