i already hear my dad disowning me
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
