I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
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