You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
