Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
