I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
