Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
