You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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