CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
