I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
