I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
