just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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