i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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