I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
