She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
