I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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