i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
