my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
