Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
