I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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