If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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