no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
