I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
