I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
