that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
