No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
