I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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