I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
