i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
