I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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