you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
