Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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