im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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