I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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