The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
