woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
