Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
