I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
