Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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