when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
