Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
