Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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