We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You left your phone here
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