I wish I could teleport
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
