Whod you bang
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
