Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
