yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
