your parents love me but you hate me
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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