Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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