Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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