Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This baby is an asshole
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
