R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
