dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
someone owes me an orgasm
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
