Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
