There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
