hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
