we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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