I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
