Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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