So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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