Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
